You are right Mike. The abuser first needs to understand what they are doing to the victim. The real feelings, hurt, confusion, misplaced quilt, diminished quality of life, wondering what they have done wrong that the victim goes through! It really needs to start with the parents in the rearing of each and every child. The parents need to talk to them about respecting their mate just as much as they need to talk to them about drugs, sex/where baby's come from, and tell them that a woman is a real person with real emotions and you do not have the right to control them or demand any thing from them. If men were to get a real clue, they could have the most loving and happy woman in the whole world just by the way they treat them. That, of course, comes with understanding them first... Women do tend to have somewhat unrealistic expectations of the romantic relationship. They are taught different than the man is taught. Total opposite teachings, and then we pair pair up and the chemistry takes over. None of us have been brought up to be prepared for the "happily ever after" relationship. That is mostly left to chance. In some cultures and/or religions we are reared somewhat in the same pattern. The man knows that his bride will be a virgin and will know that she is expected to take care of his every whim and have many children that he and his male family members will teach how to be killers. I think that is the only binding rearing and teaching that we have now.... Teach your children right. And tell them the truth.